October 3rd:I am tired. The world is weary with me, and I see nothing ahead of me but fog and syndrome. I hear nothing but perhaps the thud of blood in my eardrums, and the pain of migraine in the backseat, taking a liking to the lamplight, making the shadows darker.
This is my ramble. Did you know that at my job, we are all wonderful storytellers? I think it all worked out this way. The way we enthuse over something particularly cruel. We compete with each other, and the door prize is espresso sweat and book envy.
Quiet times are at a premium. I really wish my mind would empty out and become new, and flossed, like shiny smooth teeth. I'd like to run my tongue over time and come away with a slightly chemical and pleasantly minty aftertaste, and no residue. Here's to silver rings and streetlights. Here's to overly frozen ice cream and the perfect lime. Here's to trusting in the written word.
October 4th:
There's been a breakdown in the communication. I see light ahead, but it flickers from bleakness to paranoia. And not to get you down, really, but sometimes the bleakness is all too comforting. I have to much angst in my pants, kids. It's up to you to find the prize in the Cracker Jacks box, not me.
I think sometimes I just need a break, but then I get a break, and I then I think I need more break, and then it's just escapism, isn't it, where I am constantly taking a break and taking stock and pretending to get all my scripts together into one big binder, and then organizing all my bills so they almost pay themselves, I am so organized. Yeah. And monkeys may fly out of my nostril.
Sit back, relax. Enjoy the unwind. I think it's that time of year again, and I don't like it one bit. I used to, but then I became jaded. I refuse to dumb-down my life anymore for anyone, I think that my anger and passion towards the world might be more than enough, without me embellishing needlessly with clarity. Fuck that. So, sleep comes rarely. And so slightly, I slip, with bleakness clutched in my fingers, so desiring the bleakness.
October 5th:
I have new speakers for my computer today, so suddenly all the events on my computer have a depth that wasn't there before. It's somewhat like when you're swimming for some time, and then manage to knock out some water, and the world is sharp and cold and very suddenly in your face, all because of sound.
We got a new bookcase today, and it stands proudly against the wall, cheap, easy to build, and it serves its purpose already. I have two shelves of books in already and will easily fit in more. I got tired of having nowhere to put all my books, when all those Stephen King novels have somewhere to go, and my books don't. Sniff.
It was a bit nightmarish. Even now, I have this horrible heartburn and urge to throw up that makes me think I need to either relax, or see if maybe it's allergies, or maybe in my sleep I am eating five alarm chili and anything else that might set my throat on fire in such a manner. Agh.
The weather is so melancholy and balmy, and then, with terrible efficiency, Lake Michigan chills the air apple crisp, with tart scent of leaves losing their chloryphyll, their pigment showing through in a swan song of dirty yellow, brick, and illumined orange. It's odd in the city, but it is beautiful, in its own way.
October 12:
I've finally tidied up my computer, and as usual, it elates me to no end. Only ten more days of my current job, and then I shall be lifting myself up by my boot straps, and flinging myself into a void where noise and shadow accumulate and overwhelm my senses. I hope I fit into it somehow. I know I had things to write about, and I know that it's all up here, (tap, tap) in my head. And it might seem terribly useless to you. But there we are. More info, as I see fit.
October 14:
I bet you're wondering when I will be moving stuff around, so it's easier to read, so it's easier to navigate, so it's not quite so annoying, having to scroll all the way down to see if there's something new. Soon, soon, I swear. Today has been horrible for anxiety. I feel everything tightening, and it's only because I could not find my keys earlier. It sucked, and I hate getting anxious, because that level of stress is just not me. I don't want it to be. BAH!